Friday, January 05, 2007

So big news to report

I will not be going to Ireland

She has decided to install a road block to us having a real adult relationship so I have decided to uninstal myself from the situation

Funny thing is she still wants the relationship we had but too me its just throwing good time after bad times, better to just break it off and walk away so I did

I think it shocked her I really believe she thought it would be business as usual, maybe even I would still go and see her and sneak around having sex with her in stolen moments. I see now I really wasn't anything but a sex toy to her. She didn't want a real relationship she just wanted the multiple orgasms I gave her.

I wonder if its because she didn't want to admit to her friends who I was, for most of my adult life I have felt like someone's dirty little secret and I wont do that anymore. Some of you have seen my pictures and you know I am an unattractive fat man. What the pictures fail to indicate is the sheer scale, I am not just fat, I am not just tall, I am really a giant albeit a small one. I know by now you are all thinking I am just wallowing in self pity and you maybe partially correct. I am the youngest of three, I have 1 sister and 1 brother, for years my father introduced me, if he introduced me at all, as his other son but never with the enthusiasm with which he introduced my normal brother. This left me feeling like I was something to be kept hidden, a secret to be revealed only when necessary. Now my father and I have a more normal relationship and I think he actually likes me now and he doesn't hesitate to introduce me, but it took me a lot of hard work to earn that which was convened on my brother from birth.

I will not be anyone's dirty little secret anymore

when I first got involved with the Irish chick she was still married(still is legally) so our relationship was secret and I understood that and accepted it. The first two times I went to visit her we had to sneak around stealing what time where we could, I was her dirty little secret.

this time I thought I would be going to see her as an adult and not having to sneak around like a thief. Until she did the one thing I cant abide and tried to get me to go back to being her dirty little secret.

I will not be anybodies dirty little secret ever again

truth is I kind of expected it the other two times she panicked when the time got close and I wondered if she would again. I haven't bought my ticket because I wondered if this day would come and it did so its over c'est la vie

razors back


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