Monday, November 26, 2007

okay an update

lets start with the easy bit, work. I just worked my 35th day in a row including some heavy physical labour. I am worn through to the nub and I need a vacation in the worst way but I have a bit to wait. Work is in fact great I have increased profit 1000% over 3 years ago and providing the idiots pay I have set the company onto easy street.

There is only one other thing in my life, and that as Chris knows, is the Irish chick. I wish I could tell you what is going on there. The wee Irish chick, well we still talk but its just as friends. I still want her, I still desire her, but I have come to understand she will never be mine. Sooo I am her friend, neither of us really understands what lays between us but I know I can not be what she wants me to be and she can never do what I want her to. I guess we are star crossed lovers destined never to be.

Sounds vaguely fatalistic of me huh

I wish I could explain it better, I have mentally closed the door between her and I but i will always wonder where I went wrong. What could I have done to make it right. I have done right by my own morals and codes but it doesnt feel right.

Luckily being a fatalist I dont believe I have many days left to rue my decision.


Anonymous Christine said...

Shit. I just wrote a long comment and it lost its way.
Basically I think that if one person is fighting for the relationship and the other is hesitant or not ready, it will never work. Unfortunately, you can't be friends with an ex lover. I know it is easy to keep in their lives than to go no contact but ultimately, one of you might meet someone and you could never share that information for fear of hurting the other person. (Wow, that was a run on sentence...) Personally, I am still hurting and will be for a long time. I picture him on the road screwing everything in a skirt and it is so painful. It is sooo hard to move on, isn't it>

9:45 a.m.  

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