Monday, January 30, 2006

The last time I held you close

it was that day we met to say goodbye, I was flying back to Canada. We agreed to meet in the middle of town but I had to pretend I didn't know you. I followed you to the nearby castle grounds looking for a quiet place out of the way we could have a talk, we wandered here and there never quite getting the privacy we needed. everytime we thought we had found a quiet place someone would happen along and put you on edge, you had to be careful. Your husband might find out. We did find a few momentary respites to talk and share the maddening closeness. To have you so close but untouchable was like an exquisite torture.

we finally had to throw caution to the wind and having found the best spot we could we sat down and talked, I carefully held your hand and we said our good byes. We shared a few hugs and soft kisses and then it was time for you to go. We agreed to walk together to a certain point and then we would part. I of course walked as slow as I could, you seem to follow suit but well before I was ready the departure point was reached I slowed even more and you increased the tempo of your steps. And slowly but steadily you walked out of my life. And with a tear stinging my eye I quietly watched you go. I wanted to call out to you, I wanted to run after you and mostly I wanted you to turn around. Maybe you wanted the same things but for my point I had given you my word and I had to follow it. I curse the son of a bitch who taught me to be a man, why did he have to teach me honour and forthrightness.

you walked out of my life but I let you go, I guess we are even on the whole.

I miss holding you, smelling your perfume and kissing you. I always will. Find a way to smile it looks good on you

razors back


Blogger Christine said...

Are you two definitely over over? Do you talk? Do you write?
I feel and relate to your pain. It simply isn't fair that what feels so right can turn to heartache.

9:37 a.m.  

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