I see the darkness o'er run my eyes
there is nothing for me here
it never was close to near
the blackness is what I cry

for every bit of happiness I found
into the dirt I was ground
before I knew her love
my heart didn't move
I was to die unloved and alone
nothing left but dust and bone

but she had to open my heart
to make me love to make me start
to show me that there was more to life
and fill it with love, then fill it with strife
in truth I will never complain
she filled me with love and equal parts pain
but she showed what it is to be alive
and maybe to this end again I will strive
but not for now I need to be alone
to close my heart to turn to stone

Hey everybody

okay here's a holdover from a reply I made at chris's blog Incas any of you followed it over

and please understand this is entirely my take on the situation and might not apply to you and yours

me, myself and I know that when the Irish chick and me are getting along I want nothing more than to talk to her. When we are laughing, flirting and having a good time I crave her attention like a junkie. I can never get enough

but on the other hand when we are getting along, flirting and having a great time. She doesn't see the need to talk to me, its like she takes me for granted or thinks there is no need to be with me when we are getting along. She will go days with out really talking to me.

when we are not getting along and I am not happy, she cant wait to talk to me and find out what's wrong. When its best to leave me alone, to let me stew and work things out with myself she focuses her total attention on getting me to talk. Maybe its just me but I do better working out my mad on my own. I am not a screamer and definitely not violent but if you want to hear a few home truths then just tackle me when I'm not in the mood. She on the other hand is only too happy to talk when she is angry or upset.

what does this all mean

well frankly if I want her attention and we are getting along so she's not around? I have been known to start a fight just to talk to her. Stupid huh? But highly effective, do any other men do this or any women recognize this dynamic in their own relationship?

men are attention whores we desire nay require attention from our partners and we will get it any way we can including starting a fight just to get our partners to spend time with us

to men attention is like publicity and all attention is good attention just like all publicity is good publicity

men are like grizzly bears, and I don't mean hairy, when we are well cared for we can be delightful companions and pleasant to be around but when we are left alone and unattended we just might throw a rod and blow up

women are only happy when they are in crisis mode

Okay I am loathe to admit it but the Irish chick has given me the push

she has decided I was surplus to her needs and doesn't want me in her life

now the reason for the post? A poll !

should I still go to Ireland?

on the one hand she has said she doesn't want to see me anymore and I don't have any known family there. I would be lying to everyone, including myself, if I said I wasn't hoping she will change her mind.

on the other hand I like the place there's lots of thing I have not seen, I like the weather( I am Canadian if it isn't freezing its still warm), I have made some passing acquaintances there and I need a vacation. There is no need for me to see her if I choose not to, I know her life well enough to never cross her path except by choice.

so the question to the readers, should I go or should I stay, if I stay there could be trouble, if I go it could be double.

opinions are like assholes everyone has one! So what's yours?

Hey everybody

how's things with you? I don't know what's going on in your part of the world but its a long weekend here and I have just come back from visiting my wee niece and nephew at the lake

I had a great time, we played on the swings had dinner and an ice cream and then my wee 4 year old niece snuggled up on my lap and we watched the Incredibles Movie. She sat on my knee leaned against my shoulder with a pillow and her blankie and we watched quietly. There is nothing as good for the soul as the unconditional love of a child.

anyways I just thought I would check in and say hi

oh and by the way subscriptions are still available just make your cheques payable to C.A.S.H.

Yes yes and yes I will gladly cut you in for 10%

to all my dear readers in the interest of generosity I will gladly cut you in for 10% each

but due to certain irregularities in the Canadian tax codes I am going to have to ask that first you forward a cheque payable to me in the amount of $ 10,000.00. this will be a deposit on future taxes, lawyers fees, processing fees and a small 1 time account set up fee.

but for this $ 10,000.00 you immediately become eligible for $ 80,000.00 (less expenses and applicable taxes)

remember this a limited offer with a maximum of 10 available spaces so don't hesitate forward your cheques immediately

please allow 6 to 12 weeks for me to escape oops I mean delivery.

razors back