Thursday, March 30, 2006

Quiet please! Quiet please!

Okay professor Sean is going to climb up on his soap box and give a sermon, so gather around get comfortable and those with out stinky feet take your shoes off.

I think the basic difference between people who like the concrete jungle and those that like the simple life is that the concrete jungle with its hustle and bustle gives you an excuse and a place to hide from yourself. People in the country live a slower placed life because they have no reason to run away from their lives, they are more attuned to who they are and are comfortable with who they are. People who move to Big cities do it to run away from themselves to get lost in the rat race and that way they never have to try and figure out who they are or accept it because there is always something waiting to be done somewhere waiting to be gone to.

And for those that can't move to the Big City, but still want to run away from their lives, tend to fill their lives with lots of drama, always a fire somewhere that needs putting out.

To live in an isolated spot and be happy is to be happy with who you are regardless of who it is that you are. To live in a Big City is to never have to confront who you are and therefore denial can be complete and acceptable. Life in a Big City is an anonymous life, life in a small town or city means everywhere you go, somebody knows you.

And people who were raised in a Big City have never known anything but anonymity so in a way they have a built in excuse.

in many ways I wish I could get some of the anonymity of a Big City, but I would never want to live in one. The Irish Chick and I once discussed moving near London and I nearly shit a brick because I just can't imagine myself in London. Too many people, too much noise, not enough room, but for her I would give it a go. Luckily for me her job fell through and the London plan was quickly scrapped.

I think I know who I am, I mostly am happy with who I am but I do know I am comfortable with who I am. The only thing I wish is that I was shorter and narrower so that I didn't always stick out like a sore thumb.

tell me I am wrong, does anyone out there have a different take on things

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Okay okay I have been being a little self centred today, but someone brought me to my real centre today. The Irish chick. She doesn't understand it, neither do I really, but talking to her has a very zen effect on me. Well we weren't really talking we were fighting, but even that has a colming influence on me. I am calm maybe even happy for the first time in a few days and its all down to a two hour text fight with her.

it drives her completely mad(Irish for crazy) when it happens. Instead of getting ever more wound up and angry I zen out and smile. Its her, just her presence even in an electronic sense of the word, it makes me happy. It evens me out.

she makes me crazy, yet she makes me sane. She makes me smile. She makes my life better.

sappy weirdo aren't I

ah well good thing I don't rely on the opinions of others

Whats the worst thing about Manitoba......................You can watch your dog run away from home for 3 days.

Seriously though, why would you want to trade in these vistas for the concrete canyons of a big city. Passing through one concrete,steel and glass box after another, to me that would be like living in a zoo .......As one of the exhibits. Or maybe an anthill analogy would be more appropriate. How many of you out there are like me, I have no desire to go to New York City, L.A. or London. To live there for me would be torture, every where you went there would already be somebody there. No privacy, no solitude, no way to live.

I guess some people are born to be herd animals and some are born to be mavericks, intent on going their own way. I have always been a maverick for as far back as I can remember. No I haven't a big head, I know some of you are now thinking that I am projecting myself out to be some hero or a "rebel with out a cause", but I am not. Nothing could be further from the truth, my life would be easier and more comfortable if I fit in with a group...........Any group. I just do not care what other people think, my clothes are always out of style except by shear coincidence. My haircut, while popular among my fellow constructionistas, was not chosen for its style it was chosen because I can not stand my hair and shaving my head is too much work. Trucks are popular now as vehicles but I was driving one before they were popular and I drive them because they suit my size as well as my personality.

Not caring what people think is very liberating, I own a piece of shit house that wouldn't impress anyone, but its paid for and has been for some number of years. If I gave a shit what you thought I would have had to buy a bigger fancier house and I would be up to my ass in mortgages and credit cards. Instead except for the interest free loan for the new truck by the end of the year I will be completely debt free. And if push comes to shove I can always walk away from that one, as it is only secured by the truck.

I am being introspective these days. Though why I share it on here I have no idea, probably because I have no one else to share it with.

The life of a maverick can be awful hollow, which is probably why few ever stick it out.

Anyways sooner or later I will get tired of the navel gazing and maybe I can remember the good parts of my life.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Hello everybody

or atleast the few bodies that bother with me, which is just as well since as public a person as I am there is nothing I value more than my privacy

this is going to be a whiny bitchy post so those that don't want to come down the trail with me are better off surfing on. See ya have a good time

I am feeling my age today which those of you that know it will say "but you are only 37", well.....This is true, but I was never built to grow old. I have always known this so save your breath about trying to convince me otherwise. I was born to die young, that's why I have lead the life I live. I have saved nothing, denied myself nothing, compromised nothing. When I die I hope they can say just one thing about me, I lived my life my way.

the only regret that I will have is that I lied to the Irish chick, I told her I would be with her in her old age knowing full well that it would never happen. It was just a nice sweet dream that we shared.

even spring can't get to me this year. I can't feel the sun, the energy, the rebirth. Its just either warm or its not, its cloudy or its not, its raining or its not. The sun rises or it doesn't, okay that's a little melodramatic but you get the picture.

so heres to my golden years, just wish I could afford to retire. BUT I STILL WOULD'NT GO TO FLORIDA lmao.

to those of you who think these pictures look familiar you are right. Same truck tractor, same place but different trailer, different driver.

Its going to be a very long year

Friday, March 24, 2006

A 3 8

x B 1

x P O

razors back

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Oh my the midlife has me by the balls

it is a hard fight these days not to sell everything that doesn't fit in a suit case and hit the road. No wife , no kids there is little enough to hold me here. And after 22 years in the same job its a hard pull out of bed. Money is of no interest to me, the only thing holding me here is that my family is in crisis, and I don't cut and run.

don't you hate being a responsible adult! Why cant I be like so many men and be a self centered asshole. Why did my mother raise me right, fuck!

oh well you are likely stuck with me for now, mores the pitty for you

I think I will go stare out the bottom of a bottle for a while

see you

razors back

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Let me return to the halcyon days of an earlier post

well not that much earlier as it was my last post.

I have been to the south! I have spent several months there and other then being an improvement over -30 in January, I hated it. There weather, if you can call it weather, is like tapioca pudding. White bland and nondescript.

its like standing in an all white room waiting for the colour, it just doesn't happen. I am not saying there weather doesn't change, it does. It slowly gets warmer and then it slowly gets colder, well cooler. Its just like tapioca pudding from the cafeteria of a hospital, some days its served warmer some days its served cooler but the consistently and blandness never changes. Except every now and then you get a greebley that grosses you out because of the anomaly of difference.

imagine if all you got at every meal was tapioca pudding, the concept of that is enough for me to seek my bed and the cold comfort of a bottle of fine rye whiskey.

to face the tapioca pudding every day in every way would drive me around the bend.

give me a a blizzard anyday

a wild out of control thunderstorm

a day that starts out at 0 f and ends at 60 f

and for those nay sayers out there I have stood on the deck of my parents Arizona vacation home early on a January morning. I stood there in my shorts and a t-shirt watching the old farts walk by in ski jackets,toques and mitts, they probably thought I was as mad as I thought they were. But after 3 weeks I longed for winter, I longed for weather and I missed the real life.

you think you have the best weather, well you are more than welcome to the tapioca. Give me the complicated flavours of caramel and chocolate any day.

razors back

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Why oh why would you live in the north

to live in the north is to know 4 seasons not 1, why would you want four seasons?

to know spring you must know winter, and to know spring is to love life. There is a palpable energy to the world when spring comes, it grows around you it lifts you up it makes life, life. There is nothing in the world I like than spring. You get to see the tulips break out of the soil, the grass grow, the trees bud and the emergence of all the animals that spent the winter sleeping. There's the baby deer and the little red squirrels that make you smile when you spot the first one of the year. You get to watch the snow slowly disappear almost as if by magic and the world burst forth with energy. When you are a kid there's puddles to play in, popsicle sticks to race down the street gutters and discoveries of all the things that have been hiding out under the snow. You get the sheer joy of standing out in the sun when the days start to warm up and the sun has a real strength to it, there's nothing like turning your face into the sun and feeling the heat sink into you. And spring leads to summer!

Summer is the silly season, its great you get out and do all the things that make summer special. Like golf, yes I know you can golf all year in Florida so what makes it special, nothing. You get to go out and fish and swim play baseball and if you are lucky enough to be a kid you get 2 months to completely goof off. Summer is a holiday even if you are working because we can escape to the lakes and golf courses. Every day is special in the summer

the autumn is my second favourite season. Its when you see things come to fruition. Crops are harvested construction projects begin to get wrapped up, things just seem nicer in the fall. I love the cool crisp mornings that give way to warm sunny afternoons, when I still operated my bulldozer, these were the days I lived for. life just seems to ripen in the fall, friendships become cemented in the fall in my opinion. there's just something about the sunshine and the cool air in the fall I don't think I could live with out.

winter, well winter is something I don't like so much anymore. I do not mind the cold and the sunshine glinting off the snow will rip your eyes out. Its the snow I do not like, its not the snow its that it leads to people calling me up and cursing me because their snow isn't my priority and I will invariably be working for days on end keeping everything moving. Having said that, I like winter. Walking out into a cold sunny day is almost a priviledge you have no idea what sunny really is until you see it glistening off a freshly fallen snow, its so bright it can hurt your eyes. And when you walk into a building it can take several minutes for your eyes to adjust to the dimness of electric light. Even I can fall victim to the peace and serenity of standing out in a softly falling snow, the big flakes slowly dropping from the sky can be so beautiful and peaceful especially when you are in the country with out a sound to be heard. Sometimes it feels like you are alone in the world, though I know for many people that's the scarriest thing of all. Winter is the one time of the year it feels good to be alone because its winter. In many ways winter can be a fabulous time of the year. And of course you cant have spring with out winter

why do I live in the north, my question is why would you live anywhere else.

but please don't stop moving south the more the merrier for you. Leave me alone with a place I can roam.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Here we go for way over Wednesday I am sending you some pictures of what occured in my day jealous arent ya

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Hi everybody

I read your post TEX and I couldn't agree more I despise meetings but there are some real differences lol

I live in a small town surrounded by smaller towns if I have to drive for an hour and fourty minutes its because my meeting is 100 miles away lol

and I almost never wait. Partly because I have a rather fearsome and undeserved reputation as someone not to be messed with. Add to that very few small towns have much in the way of red tape and its all easy. The only time their is a problem is when the civic leadership of the small towns develop a chip on their shoulders about us "big city boys". Most of my meetings involve a long drive a short meeting lunch in the local greasy spoon and then the long drive home, if my office ever figures out how much I enjoy them they wont let me go to anymore meetings.

maybe I should explain a little geography. I live in the wide flat prairies of Canada, in a massive city of 43,000 people, yes I said 43,000 people. Wait wait wait I know 43,000 is not a big city but consider this I live in the largest city for a 120 miles in any direction and I mean there isn't even a close second. The next largest city is 11,000 people about 70 miles away and after that there's 2 or 3 with more than 5,000 people. So if you have a city of 300 people you are hardly going to have a large engineering or actually any engineering division. So we are very much allowed to do as we wish lol. Jealous aint ya TEX

and just for the record I love small towns. I love the funky restaurants with the questionable standards. That haven't seen a redecorate in 20 years,or more. The small town hardware store is like a treasure hunt through new/antiques and odd contraptions never seen before. You people that avoid small towns in favour of those boxed alike fast food store are madd, madd I tell you

anyways this is kind of disjointed and badly paced post but that's what I am so there ya go

toodles Sean

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Hi Everybody

I don't know how many everybodies there really is as few leave messages and apparently no one participated in tip over Tuesdays! Ah well

it was brought up that I haven't posted in a while. Well I have to be in the right mood to write and it hasn't struck me as of late, that's why some times there isn't a post for a week and then theres three posts in one night. I like to keep you guessing.

plus we are screaming stupid busy at work, we are a summer construction company or atleast that's the theory. We are running flat out and infact are busier now than we were in the middle of last summer. I know I should quit whining and just go to work and that will teach me for taking two months off last year and going to Ireland. To which I can only say ........... I REGRET NOTHING MUAAAHAAAHAHAHA

well that's not entirely true, I regret that I left the Irish chick in Ireland or dragged my ass back to Canada. Whatever works

lets see what have I been up to well in 1 word WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy so I must be a walking sleeping pill

and if you are reading "Hi Irish chick" I hope you slept well, love you

oh hey I did get out for some meetings today and the best thing about construction meetings? They are generally held many miles away from my office so I had a nice 150 mile drive today.

what do you think have I babbled on enough, yeah I thought so too.

so stay frosty and keep the beer cold


Friday, March 03, 2006

Have you ever met your soul mate

I have my, soul mate she is a petite Irish brunette with above average intelligence

when me and her are clicking it is the greatest feeling on earth

when me and her aren't clicking it is still the greatest feeling on earth

I love to talk to her when we are getting along and I love to talk to her when we are not getting along

LOL even she doesn't get that one

she wants me to scream and act the idiot like she is used to, I never want to scream at her. No matter what I just want to talk to her.

she may not be mine but I will always be hers

Thursday, March 02, 2006

From deep within
Our secret soul
Do deamons dwell
And take their toll