Okay for those of you that think I talk about myself too much in the first, second and third person too bad I am using this blog as a voyage of self discovery and I think I just discovered something about myself

at work, in groups of men I am an alpha male. I silently but surely control things. People do what I say when I say it and they do it willingly to please me. Unfortunately its always in groups of men. Before you ask I am not gay, infact I find men completely repugnant, what I mean is that I work construction and apart from the occasional customer I deal almost exclusively with men. But I dominate them with out ever trying, its just part of my personality, I am an alpha male. Leader of the pack not a follower, able to control and dominate with out even understanding why. I always thought it was just my stubbornness but today I spent in the company of other alpha males of the construction business and still I dominated them, although of course more subtly, more interpersonal.

now you're asking is this all brag and fat headed shite? No because I also was considering my relationship with the female of my species. I like strong women, smart women, real women! I have known for quite a while I had a very strong dominating personality and I see now that I don't play alpha male with women. I have intentionaly muted my personality to see if the ladies I like have the equal personality to fill the void. Women want the alpha male and by not acting like one around them I have completely destroyed all chances I had with them. Add to that a certain shyness and I think in my life to most women, other than my secretaries, I appear to be a beta male, a second stringer, a less desirable model.

to those women, very few women, I have shown the alpha male work side of my personality my size has never been a problem. Those that see my beta male muted personality added to my shyness has proven to be a complete turn off.

you can say what you want but my full bore personality, but its too much for most people, but my beta personality for women is too little. That's why the Irish chick and I get on so well, she has seen both sides but she knows alpha is dominant.

women deny it all you want but your yen for the alpha male is biological and unstoppable

of course as always I might be full of shite
razors back

Let me tell you about my day

Today someone decided they might want to beat me up LOL
For my American readers we don't use guns to settle arguments in Canada

I was driving a gravel truck today, yes I know I said I am the manager and I am but when I ran out of employees I had to put myself out to work.

Anyways I was out driving and as I approached a light on a hill rather than trying to start off on a hill from stop I was idling in gear towards the car infront of me in hopes the light would change before I had to stop. Well an idiot in a car, yes most idiots drive cars and anyone who's ever driven a semi truck will back me up on this, when I was just over a car length away from the car ahead of me an idiot(see note above) decided it was just big enough for his car! Subtlety has never been my specialty so I let go with the big air powered horn on the top of the truck. He didn't appear to enjoy my rather public disapproval of his limited intelligence and driving skills. He parked his car right there half in and half out of the lane and got out of his car swearing at me, I laughed at him which did little to calm his ire, he proceeded to come back to the truck opened the door and began climbing up to confront me. I am not aggressive in any way but I certainly wasn't going to just sit there while he attacked me. So he and I met on the top step of my truck, for those that don't know there's only room for one really, especially as I take up space! Anyways he was still swearing at me and I added my own few choice words as I am well spoken and not at all shy. LOL he must have had a change of heart as he climbed back down and decided it was enough to stand 20 feet away and swear at me while I sat and watched him get in his car and drive away.

LOL I keep waiting to here from my office about the complaint from the citizen about the driver who tried to start a fight.

I wonder if the reason he decided to not attack me was when we were standing on even ground his head didn't raise above my chin, or the fact I was more than willing to meet him for whatever he wanted to start.

the beauty of Canada is that if he had hit me I was legally entitled to use what ever force I deemed necessary to keep him from doing it again.

hmmm apparently I have an ego, oh well I suppose I will survive

I almost wish he had hit me for just a second I wanted to punch a hole through his face but it passed

Working Visa's for Canada

Well I believe Canada belongs to an international treaty where by as long as you are under the age of 27 you can easily obtain a working visa for 6 months. Too bad I personally found all this out at 35 LOL. There are many countries where you can work for 6 months but then you must move on. In theory this would allow you to work your way around the world

The other way is if you had a special skill that was in demand like doctor or engineer. Although right now our economy is going so mad that convenience store clerks are even in short supply. In the City I live in every business has a help wanted sign out.

oh by the way you will discover that in Canada and Australia cities are a lot smaller, in my province it only takes 15,000 people to make a town a city where as that would qualify them as a village at best in the UK.

I don't know you at all fuckit but if you like large urban areas when you come to Canada go to Vancouver or Toronto but if you like the wide open spaces come out to the prairies it will blow your mind how much space we have. Wide open highways that are straight and flat and you can literally drive for 60 miles and not even need to slow down except for the gray haired drivers LOL
razors back

Why oh why am I haunted and hunted

why can't I get you out of my mind? You hurt me and I stay, you don't do it intentional but just by omission and I let you. you never understand because I don't shout and act the ass, its like you are trying to make me be that person. I am not that person I will never be that person. I wish I could fade you out of my life, I wish I could even pretend you weren't the centre of my life.

but everyday the first thing I do is look for you.

you want me to become the asshole, how many times have I seen you set the bait and wait for me to fall into the trap. To begin with I didn't understand I couldn't see the trap but I never fell into it because its not me. In the middle after I could see where the trap had been set and how I had avoided it. Now I watch you set the trap before even you know you are setting it. When will you understand and accept that I am not like them. What will make you understand I am exactly who I seem to be.

you say you want me in your life but your actions say otherwise.

I am just a man, like most men I am a simple creature, I don't want much. A little respect, a little understanding and a little attention. Unfortunately those are the three things you seem incapable of giving me. Why do men always want what they can not have.

some day I will figure this all out but likely be about 5 minutes after I die........... Like most people

Hi fuckit two things

thank you are the first person who ever said I didn't fuck up enough, the general consensus is that I do nothing but fuck up so its nice to know someone disagrees.

two its not that you shouldn't come to Canada its that you shouldn't come to Canada in the winter LOL. If you come out to the prairies where I live July and august are 25 to 35 most days with low humidity and except for a few large cities no air pollution. You can just lay around in the long grass or go fishing or whatever strikes your fancy. And unlike our wee neighbours to the south we have virtually no crime other than the occasional house robbery. If you like to drive you can get on the transcanada highway and go for a 3,500 mile drive.

umm you might have noticed I really like Canada

razors back

Hey everybody - hi doctor nick, okay for all the times I have used this does anybody recognize it?

so lets see I better toss out a post before they take away my bloggers license for inactivity.

when I was 14 and my brother was 15 my parents bought my brother a car to drive when he turned 16, I might add that my brother was the only one my rents ever bought a car for. Anyways it was a bit of a beater but me, my brother and my dad worked on it in our garage, doing body work and getting it ready for when my brother was old enough to attain his license. We got it looking pretty good and even had it painted. Well eventually my brother got his driving license but was supposed to be restricted in the use of the car because he was a new driver.

well mom asked us to take something to our grandfather in the hospital so we jumped in the car and took off for our little errand. We of course dutifully accomplished the task set out for us and my brother asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I as a 15 year old objected strenuously. I think it went something like....FUCK YEAH.

so we went tooling around town and made our way out side of town and turned onto a gravel road and promptly rolled the car! Yes dear friends my brother wrote off and rolled his first car.....27 hours after receiving his license.

LOL we only rolled 3/4 of the way around its not like it was a major life threatening wreck. But we came to a rest with the drivers side door down in the grass, I scrambled out the top my brother crawled out the bottom and we met on the road for a conference. Sounds awful calm and adult doesn't it. Too bad what really happened was we both stood there trying to figure out what to do and trying not to panic. We pushed the car onto its wheels because it was sitting gas tank down and we had just filled it up. Then we walked a half mile to a gas station and called our sister at work. We couldn't call mom because she would collapse in panic and we had never ever called our dad at work. We did that one thing right because my sister was calm and went over and picked up my mom who promptly collapsed in panic when she heard. Mom must have called dad but more on that later.

anyways this was the time before cell phones, yes quit asking I am that old, so me and him are standing at the gas station waiting for mom and he's talking about running away from home and panicking his ass off. I of course was calmer but mostly because I wasn't driving so my ass wasn't on the line. Anyways mom and sis arrived along with the police and the tow truck and my brother was a little calmer.

and then the big arrival, here comes my dad driving down the road, he slowed down and looked at us and the car and then he just kept going. He never even stopped he just slowed down as he went by, my brother felt about three inches tall and me not a whole lot taller.

But best of all guess how they punished my brother.......A few months later they bought him a brand new truck. That's right he's not just the only one of the three of us to get a car from my parents but they bought him 2.

my first car was a 13 year old hand me down from my sister who gave it to me because she couldn't afford to keep fixing it. She bought it from my grand father because it was 10 years old and he was buying a new one.

but if you ask my brother he wasn't treated as special it was I who never got anything new from my parents who was the special one. LOL

as you can tell if you read my blog my relationship with my brother has been a dominate theme in my life. But I still don't always know what to think about it. Must be why I go my own way on everything and take pride in being my own man

razors back

So lets discuss my day, attention all insomnia sufferers I have the instant cure.

anyways it was a nice warm day here about 20c(70 Fahrenheit for the ludites), look it up I will wait.

tick tock tick tock tick tock

okay is everyone back, good if you are sitting comfortably now we may begin.

yes it was warm today so I was lobbying to turn the airconditioning on but the old cranky women in the office are always cold, what is it with women and always being cold? It can be 30c(90f for the ludd...yadda yadda yadda) and the frigging office chicks are still cold. Can any rational, right thinking person(meaning a man of course) explain how women are never warm. Or for that matter how nothing ever seems to be right. lol

so have I wound everyone up yet? From what I can see most bloggers are chicks or atleast the good ones are lol.

I have literally a mountain of paperwork on my desk, does anyone know where I can hire sherpa's to scale the mountain. ahh hell with it I will just lug my own shit up the mountain, the pensions for sherpas can be a real bitch.

I don't really have too much to say so I thought I would get on your nerves and raise your blood pressure

well anyways you all have a good evening

razors back

You are a Cautious Analyst.

About You

You are an Analyst
Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.
You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things.
Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like.
You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things.
You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things.
Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself.
You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.
You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.
It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown.
Your independent streak and masculine nature allow you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts
You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.
Never one to be found in chic boutiques or trendy clothing stores, you take an extremely practical approach to getting dressed.
If you want to be different:
Try to embrace the imaginative, creative part of your personality more often.
Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.
How You Relate to Others
You are Cautious
Being independent, practical, and somewhat guarded with others makes you CAUTIOUS.
You tend to keep to yourself, wary of trusting others with personal information.
The values that you hold are central to your identity—you are a very principled person.
You have respect for the natural order of things, and a good sense of right and wrong.
Investigating the world through observation, as opposed to interaction, is preferable to you.
You have an appreciation for those who have attained a certain level of accomplishment, particularly the rare few who have succeeded honestly.
You are efficient—when you work with others, you get down to business, and fulfill your obligations.
You sometimes wish that others would be more like you—less hindered by their emotions, more respectful, and more private.
If you want to be different:
Finding a few close others whom you can trust will allow you to express yourself more openly, and possibly to learn more about yourself.

Your Personality Chart

This chart shows thirteen personality traits. Each bar indicates the percentage of test takers who entered a lower value for that trait than you did. For example, if Confidence is at 80, that means that 80% of people entered lower values for confidence questions than you did. Based on a sample of 30,000 users.
Confidence
LowHigh
82
Openness
LowHigh
36
Extroversion
LowHigh
16
Empathy
LowHigh
12
Trust in others
LowHigh
28
Agency
LowHigh
62
Masculinity
LowHigh
100
Femininity
LowHigh
10
Spontaneity
LowHigh
92
Attention to style
LowHigh
8
Authoritarianism
LowHigh
74
Earthy/Imaginative
ImaginativeEarthy
90
Aesthetic/Functional
FunctionalAesthetic
12


Cautious Analyst

My Personal Dna Report
razors back

And so it died, not with a bang but a whimper.

Anyways I decided to fill you in on the happenings.

Sorry Chris I never got to go have my big war I was too busy and besides the wisdom in the family is that its best not to disturb the golden goose. One of these days I will slip up there and tell them some home truths anyways.

I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I have atleast 3 weeks worth of paperwork on my desk and about 2 days to do it. I thought I got into the construction business to get away from paperwork. god damned government.

I had to go to Winnipeg today to pick up some used dump trucks we just bought. Now I just need asses in seats. This year is going to be entirely mental in the Canadian construction business. Simply put there wont be enough of anything, not enough men, not enough equipment and not enough material. Oh well its good to be alive when the world is going full tilt.

I think I already have about twice as much work as I can possibly get done in the next two months. So why am I looking for more, well one year we thought we had all the work we could handle and then it was cancelled and we were left holding the bag. So now I run the company on the theory "get all the work you can find and then figure out how you are going to do it"

I wonder if the Irish chick will lend me her kids as slave labour for the summer. lol

anyways feel free to ask questions just don't expect answers.

Well tomorrow, someone I have kept hidden for a couple years now will come out of hiding. Sean the asshole. The single most scarey person many of my employees have ever met. Most of them have never met Sean the asshole, they have met Sean the nice guy or Sean the slightly mean guy. But some, the long term employees, know Sean the asshole and they fear him. They should fear him, he is so far beyond the pail of what they understand that they will never understand him.

But worst of all? I am Sean the asshole and I like Sean the asshole.

tomorrow I have to go and take on the single biggest contractor in Canada. They are the biggest by atleast double than any other construction company.

Tomorrow I get to go look them in the eye and make them blink, really too bad they will never know what hit them.

LOL good thing size doesn't impress me LOL

technically I hate confrontation so I am not looking forward to this, but, no one scares me. LOL look out the assholes back

MUAHHHHHHHHH

Why is the one person who makes you soar is also the one who makes you crash

Why does a smile have to turn into tears

Why is it the one person who you need a little attention from is always the one to ignore you

The Most Beautiful Girl I Ever Met Came From Antrim Northern Ireland

You might as well get comfortable or get out, this likely going to be a long post.

First and foremost if the Irish Chick is reading, good I am glad they haven't shut off our connection yet, but I don't think you will like this one. Its probably too personal.

the second time I held the Irish chick in my arms was a bit of a weird day. It actually snowed in Ireland, only 3 inches but you would swear it was a major blizzard with 2 feet of snow. In their defense they don't really know snow, kind of like if it snowed 3 inches in Florida. Anyways it was the day of our second date but that 3 inches of snow just about had the place shut down and I wondered if she would make it. We exchanged text messages and phone calls she was standing at a bus stop waiting for a seemingly non existent bus, while I waited a few miles down the road in a taxi. I offered and offered to pick her up and finally due entirely to the cold she relented and me and the taxi driver picked her up and whisked us off to the Hilton Hotel.

Fate seemed to have it in for us that day, we sat in the lobby drinking coffee for two hours because they didn't have our room ready, even though it had been made well in advance. Do not take this the wrong way one of the reasons we met in hotels was for the need for privacy and secrecy. We sat in the lobby or bar drinking coffee and talking quietly it was a very nice time. Finally and it almost seemed like they had it in for us our room was ready, so we ambled up to it my luggage in tow. In the room the first thing I did was take her into my arms and give her a create big smack on the lips and a huge hug. We looked around the room threw my luggage into a corner and sat on the sofa watching bad English TV.

I made her some bad instant coffee, she still says I make the worst coffee ever LOL, we sat and shared the sofa her tucked up under my arm. For all our difference in size, she fits perfectly under my arm when we share a sofa.

we talked, we laughed, we shared and we slowly cemented our love. We began to kiss and carry on, I wont bother with you the details, but we ended up making mad passionate love and it was the most perfect day I had ever had. And she umm ...... Seemed to enjoy herself.

All to soon it came time for her to return to her kids. We dressed and I walked her down to the lobby I asked her if I could come with her, she refused I knew she would but I still would have returned with her. I would gladly withstand anything that came at us just for the pleasure of having her at my side.

we said our good byes and I put her in the taxi, closed the door and watched the taxi drive out the long driveway. I watched till she was no longer visible and still lingered a moment. Then I went in to the bar determined to drink my self into a self pitying stupor. I didn't , I realized soon enough that alcohol wasn't any kind of a replacement for her.

I went back to my room, as soon as I entered the room I could smell the aroma of her perfume, so I sat in the room reliving our time together helped along by the lingering scent of her perfume. I can still to this day smell D&G Light Blue whenever I think of her.

the next day, like the scent of her perfume, the snow had disappeared. I left the hotel back to a bed and breakfast and just read a book. I have never felt so hollow, so empty as the first day I spent with out her. I tried to fill my life with beer and strangers in a pub but they never made me feel any better about not having her with me.

I always respected her wishes but I will always wonder if I did the right thing or just what she thought was the right thing.

I love you Irish chick

Okay I give.

I have tried just about everything to get comments on my blog, the last of which was to talk a lot of shit and even that didn't work. My goodness what an attention whore I am (that word will bring the googlers in lmao)

Hey now maybe theres a strategy, big tits, hot asses, and a MILF. lets see that frapper map light up now lmao.

too bad so many will go home disappointed, but then again if they are on here looking for that they are probably used to being alone and disappointed.

Lets see what words of wisdom shall I impart today

well I might as well go back to telling you about myself as that's something to get rid of the google searchers, I wonder if I can get arrested for boring people to death lol.

I am an information junkie, I love news, data, anecdotes just about anything that imparts some kind of knowledge. Even most fictional movies and TV shows have information you can glean from them.

its why I am a bit of a know it all. I hardly know it all but I constantly amaze people with my knowledge of obscure facts and practices and have pretty much become the company expert on everything lol. Look at Mr. Hero with his inflated sense of self worth lol. Anyways that's my story for today, kinda boring I know but what the hell if I was that funny I would be working in Hollywood wouldn't I

razors back